A Mother's Prayer

Today was a celebration of yet another year of their life together, a life filled with lots of laughter, friendship, care and happiness and yet one that remained unfulfilled. All these years burdened with a longing, of pain and prayer for the culmination of this love in the greatest gift of all. Every smile, every embrace was tear-stained and shadowed with pain for the loss of the past.

There had been happy days, the happiest they had ever felt in their entire existence, the days she knew that there was a little life growing within her. She had vowed to protect it, care for it, nourish it with affection and hold it close to her heart as only a mother could. But, it wasn’t destined to be so. As she drifted through numerous trials and tests while swallowing her fear and frightened of the outcome, she still held a tiny flicker of hope kindled in her heart. She prayed to the heavens to keep the little one safe within her, she prayed for the day she could hold her first born in her arms, she promised penance of her entire life if only fate wouldn’t turn against her…..but was anyone listening?... Hoping against hope she drifted into a dreamless sleep praying for a miracle but the crack of dawn woke her up. She knew that she had lost the most precious thing in her life ever. She bore the excruciating pain in silence and with a devastated mind helplessly witnessed the loss of the unborn child she had borne so close to her heart.

With a womb yearning for her lost motherhood and heart burning from the grief of countless ramifications from all sides on what she’d done to cause the loss, no one could ever read the pain in her eyes, the sadness in her smile. Her mind was in turmoil, she was lost, miserable and broken. But she persevered and bore her untold grief in silence. Time could not heal her, it only added to her despair. She wanted nothing more than to hold a child in her arms and clutch it close to her bosom, a child she could call her own.

Yet the heavens were decided that it wasn't time to bestow mercy. She waited on month after month, year after year, praying and hoping and trying to laugh away the sadness in her heart, reasoning with her plight, wishing everything to be set right. She buried the sobs emanating from her heart, and pitied herself when all those around her were stepping into and celebrating motherhood. Would she ever be pardoned for the sins that she knew not what, that she had done? When would she be worthy of holding her own infant with a smile from the bottom of her heart? A smile no longer outlined with tears…

It was like the spring after a cold winter, the Gods had finally yielded and today, she found that she had been finally gifted with the seed of life to nurture and grow. There couldn’t have been a happier day. Yet she walked as if in a daze, she felt drained of feeling, numb, emotionless, she felt no joy surging through her veins as it had the last time. With her heart heavy and eyes brimming she looked up at the skies as she prayed….Please let me keep this one!!!!

From the heart of China

Every country boasts of its own legends, folklore and traditions. Of the countless cultures in the world, the most popular would be those of India , Egypt , Rome and China . These age-old cultures are known to the rest of the world through their stories, architecture and way of life and the natives are living proof of their traditions and practices that are centuries-old.

China has a rich culture that is fascinating to study. On a recent journey to Beijing , I had an opportunity to better understand some of the significant aspects of their traditions and beliefs. Here I have attempted to touch upon some of those that interested me.

The dragon would be the first image that springs into our minds as we think of China . It is the most sacred of their animals and its popularity in Chinese architecture and Feng-Shui has made it almost synonymous with the Imperial culture itself. The Chinese have an interesting belief that that dragons as roof-guardians bestow power and protection to the inhabitants. Hence, dragons of various forms and structures ornament every visible spot in the Forbidden City in Beijing where the emperor, the most powerful man in China resided. He was entitled to three thousand concubines who were all housed in the Imperial palace which had 9999 rooms in all.

The palace has several water dragons, fire dragons, earth dragons and more variety; however the most interesting was a dragon-headed turtle. The turtle symbolizes longevity. Hence this depiction of the dragon-turtle combination blessed the head of the house; in this case the emperor, with power, wealth, prosperity and long life. 

 

  

Guardian lions sculpted in stone were another popular figure in the palatial grounds. A significant point in this regard is that China has no lions. These figures were sculpted based on the narrations of Buddhists who came from India and spoke of the power and strength of the lions to the Chinese. They took to the belief that the lions being the strongest of the animals, when positioned in the imperial grounds would prove guardians to the emperor while also endowing him with power.

 

 

Traditional Chinese medicine is the popular form of medicine practiced in China, amusingly, it is said to have its roots in Africa since the original oriental people were black. It is entirely based on the principle of yin and yang, which are the complementary parts of energy and their medicines restore the balance between the two for a healthy body and mind. A trained practitioner can diagnose the patient’s illness by just studying his pulse. Traditional Chinese medicine is mainly herbal. Here is a bizarre fact regarding some Chinese delicacies in ancient time. Until recently, tigers and monkeys were popularly preyed for their meat. Our guide told us that monkeys were largely killed for their brain. When eaten raw, it was believed to impart longevity and youth. The tiger being a very powerful animal, its meat endowed the same quality to the person who fed on it. Thankfully, the extent of these weird practices has diminished considerably, present day interests would be snakes and pigs.

 

 

The jade is the most valuable of minerals to the Chinese and finds its place in accessories, jewelry and even sculptures. The Chinese believe that the jade has healing and magical properties. Though available in several colors, the green colored ones are the most popular. Women wear it on the left hand, they believe that the jade improves the blood circulation as well as pacifies the mind. It is also said that the color of the jade changes according to the aura of the possessor and that constant use imparts greater sheen and deeper color to the jade. Jade bracelets are often considered a family heirloom passed on from generation to generation.

Concluding on a lighter note, here is the story a native narrated regarding the Chinese calendar in animal years. Centuries ago, people in China started the system of animal years where each year was designated to one of 12 animals which were believed to protect all newborn babies born during that year from evil. Thus twelve animals namely the rat, ox, tiger, rabbit, dragon, snake, horse, goat, monkey, rooster, dog and the pig were picked to represent 12 years which form a cycle. Legend has it that these animals raced across a river to set their position in the cycle based on their place in the race. Before the race began, the rat jumped on the ox’s back and just as the ox was finishing the race, the rat jumped forward and won it. Hence the rat came first, the ox second, the rest of the animals followed and the pig came last.

Memories...

I woke up to the chirping of the birds and the scent of the chembakam flowers. It took me a minute to remember where I was. It’s my annual vacation and I am at my father’s ancestral home “Padmalayam” in Ponani. It is such a welcome relief from the loud hustle and bustle of vehicles that I awaken to everyday.

Today is Muthachan’s death anniversary. The house is all agog with activity and the women are busy in the kitchen preparing food for the big crowd, I could count atleast four generations in all.

All my uncles and aunts take a dip in the pond before performing the rites. My younger brother is also in there catching shoals of little fish in a towel and transferring them to the steel bucket he’s taken along. He says he’ll put them in the well for the big fish to feed on.

The “elayd” is busy arranging the items for the shraadham today. He is a frail old man who is summoned to conduct the rituals in right order.  He asks for sandalwood, rice, flowers, sesame seeds and we children rush to him with the items as he calls for it. I watch what he does with interest while my cousins run off to pluck fruit from the big guava tree in front of the house. The rites are completed in half an hour, by when the elder women performing the rites are all shivering in the wet saris they are draped in. Now comes the exciting part, we clap loudly to attract crows to come and partake the rice-balls sprinkled with sesame seeds offered to the departed soul. The crows flock in a few minutes and I’m told the black raven amidst them is Muthachan. I am lost in thought; why does a person becomes a crow, and not a good-looking bird like a sparrow or parrot? My thoughts then drift to how one could survive in the after-death as a crow if fed just once a year. The thought of food reminds me that I am hungry…I run to the kitchen where mother gives me a steamed rice-cake and a banana.

The annual festival in the Bhagavathy temple ends today. The vicinity is thronged by crowds from far and near. I rush to the stalls selling sweetmeats and colored sweets. My favorite is the bangle-seller’s stall and I take time to decide what I want. The highlight of every festival is the fireworks. Today’s fireworks are by our village and we cheer loudly as it begins. Soon after that we rush to the main temple square for a glimpse of the elephant carrying the Devi vigraham and circumambulating the temple. I spot the Velichappadu beside the elephant, with his sword in hand and long hair left open. The sight of him has always frightened me and I cling on to my father’s hand with all my strength. We watch the chakyar koothu on the make-shift stage and laugh at the jokes the artist says.  It’s late when the programmes end and we skip along the narrow lane back home in the dim light of a hand-lantern with lots of balloons and toys.

My grandmother now has a TV and video player. My father has recorded 12 episodes of the Ramayana for her to see and he is playing it tonight. I’ve watched them a hundred times before, yet I join the rest of the family on the stairs to watch it. My brother and I sing the title song loudly ignoring instructions from the elders to keep the noise down. This cassette ends at the part where Lord Rama kills the demoness Taataka.

It’s late and time for bed. The mosquitoes sing in my ear as I drift into sleep. It is raining outside.

Translation:

Chembakam: a pleasant smelling flower which is yellow or white in color

Shraadham: The rites performed once a year on the death anniversary of the departed person by his family

Muthachan: grandfather

Bhagavathy: goddess

Vigraham: statue of the deity

Velichappadu: Is a prominent person in Devi temples, he acts as a mediator between the deity and the devotees. He cuts his forehead and offers the blood to the deity as a symbol of unshakabe faith.

Chakyar Koothu: a theatrical art in Kerala which is a kind of mono act. The artist recites epic stories but also adds humor to the narration.